No Job? No Problem! (Or at least silver lining to being laid off.)

Note: I started this Thursday, and actually just forgot to post it, so the part about yesterday was referring to Wednesday. That is all. ;)

About three weeks ago (exactly three weeks ago yesterday actually), Husband and I (who work at the same place) both received "Pink Slips" informing us that our office was closing and that we'd all be laid off between November 2 and December 31. This didn't come as a surprise since the parent company closed another of our offices just before Christmas last year.

We do, however, regret not finding other jobs on our own timeline instead of a forced one that was thrust upon us by impending unemployment.  We actually both had been looking earlier in the year but didn't necessarily find things or have luck when we did, so knowing we had this job to go to, kind of became placated and stopped looking as hard as we maybe could have. But that's life. Just have to get back on track.

I would have perhaps liked the opportunity to take a few weeks of unemployment to focus on personal projects and decide what I want to do, but since our savings are not nearly sufficient to weather the storm (most experts recommend 6 months basic living expense for this very reason, and we have about 1 months worth ) since we really only started to save again this year, I did actually go get another job that I will start on Monday. It may not be a "Dream Job", necessarily, but since the idea of unemployment puts me in the "Physiological" and "Safety" tiers of the Self-Actualization Pyramid, it also means doing what's necessary for a while.  But it is a job that will pay the bills, and that I would at least be happy to go to, so that's always good.  And has a nice bonus of being a bit more money than the job I am leaving, so that when Husband also finds a job, we can save a little more.

While being laid off almost always sucks, and breeds a negative situation, there was a lot of good that came from this that I hadn't thought of before we got the letters. So it got me thinking and doing, and here are some of the most positive things that came from it (or will come from it, hubby has been laid off yet) that I can think of:

-Finally Opened a second checking account so that bills can come from one and spending money from the other, so there will be no more accidental spending of money that is meant for something else. This will also allow me to more finely tune/correct the due dates/autopay for things.

-Since I got a nice payout for accumulated/unused PTO of about $500, I am going to apply that to the Principle of my car payment. Currently, it sits around $1300 left, so this will bring it down to around $800 and make it paid off that much faster. My husband, since he is staying till the end of the company, will also get a severance that will also be applied to the car. His severance will be more than the remaining $800 by a few hundred dollars, so we'll officially be free from the car payment which will also officially make us COMPLETELY debt free! It was a goal to pay off the car by the end of this year, but due to other circumstances, we knew we weren't going to be able to. (It wouldn't have been much farther off though-we were looking at around February, which would still have put us about 20 months ahead of the contracted loan date.) But now, with severance and PTO, we will. And this frees up the $180/month ($160 contracted plus $20 for principle) for savings--which since the car payment is on Autopay,  I will just set it up to be auto-transferred on the same day it would have cleared so we don't even see it. Automation for the win!

-Since my husband will stay until the very end, unless he finds something he can't pass up, and we can maintain our finances with my job and unemployment, this will give him a chance to spend some time on personal projects and decide what he would like to do. I think this is really important for him, and had we been able to keep up with us both not working, I would have done the same for a short while.  We figure that since unemployment is for 6 months, that gives about 3 months where he can look for only things that interest him, and complete personal projects/go to the gym/etc. At the 4 month mark is when he'll start to apply more broadly, but doesn't need to accept a job for the sake of a job right away. We are both hoping this strategy will work well for us, but we will have to see where it goes.

-Technically, I gave myself a raise with the new job since I'll be making about $1/hour more.  It may not seem like a lot in the moment, but that extra $40/week is an extra $2080/year toward savings and/or retirement/investment funds, and therefore, a chance to be a millionaire that much sooner. I know what you're thinking: "But people tend to blow their money when they get raises. You won't even see that extra money." Wrong! It is important to maintain your standard of living when you get extra money, and this is where automation of finances really comes into play. If you can't SEE that extra money in your checking account because it is automatically deposited in savings, you can't SPEND that extra money.

-And finally, one more positive that I could think of was that I will finally be able to correctly automate via direct deposit so I don't have to transfer money from checking to savings. With our current company, the payroll system has been kind of messed up/complicated to make changes to for a while. So, this gives me a chance to start completely fresh with the correct amounts needed for each thing, so I am actually excited about this part.

So, how's that for a silver lining to a dark rain cloud?

Change your mind, change your life. Or, some thoughts on a Positive frame of mind.

Sometime last year, around or before my 27th birthday, my husband told me that he had a dream about me being in really great shape with a firm/toned body, wearing a Wonder Woman tank top, and completely dominating at the gym. He said he saw me in the dream doing pull-ups without any weight assistance like it was nothing at all; that he saw me benching and squatting more weight than ever, and doing many other difficult feats like a pro. (He had a very detailed dream, obviously.)  I was very inspired and said to him "By the end of the year, I will be that woman. By my 28th birthday, I will make THAT woman look weak."

Well, my 28th birthday is in a few days, and I have not officially met either of those proclaimed goals/statements. However, I am making decent progress, and am on a path to get there. I have been more consistent this year than I had been previously-in both working out and eating better- and have been getting some results here and there. Results have been frustratingly stagnant over the last two or so months-I have stayed at the same weight range the whole time despite working very hard- but at least I know I am not going BACKWARDS (gaining weight), and that helps keep me mentally on track.

The fact that I can say that I have not reached a goal, but that it is OK because I am making progress, is by far, the greatest psychological win that could be asked for. My journey is no longer defined by a number on a scale, but rather the numbers that I know matter more: Can I run longer? Can I lift more weight? Can I do something that I previously couldn't? 

Last year, if I worked out a lot but didn't see any change in the scale, I would have breakdowns and "throw a fit", for lack of better words. Now, when I see the same frustrating number on the scale for several weeks in a row, I can accept it and move on because I know what work I put in and what I am capable of and know that eventually things will turn.  I am more confident in my abilities and celebrate smaller victories, such as gaining 2 seconds when running a lap around the park or running 10 feet farther than the last time. And my attitude in general has become more positive.

But these things didn't come from wishful thinking, nor did they happen overnight. They came from constant, willful working on mental habits. (And is STILL a constant work on it.)

If I'd catch myself falling into negativity, or if my husband caught me, I would work to find something positive to say or focus on in efforts to change my attitude.  At first, this was HARD and I'd really have to think of something positive to say-which goes to show the depth of my lack of esteem or positivity, I think. As time went on, and the habit became more developed, it became easier  to find things, and more importantly, to believe them (instead of just talking the talk). I also find that being more positive helps me work harder,  and working harder helps me be more positive-it's a circle of good. 

I believe that the mental aspect is as important as everything else when making changes (to anything-not just finances or weight), if not the most important thing. There is a quote attributed to Henry Ford (whether that's true or not, I have no idea) that kind of goes along with this idea: "Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right." I think that hits the nail on the head. People who believe they can do something, push through to do it-even if it takes a while or has to be worked up to/done in steps. People who believe they can't do something quit or procrastinate or make excuses to not do it, etc. I want to be in the first group, believing that I can do what I need to, and moving forward with mental fortitude to weather the storms.

So what can you do to make some positive changes and defeat the negative self-talk? While no list is going to be definitive or apply to everyone, here are some things that have helped me:

-Replace negative thoughts with positive ones, and be specific. Example: When I would  say or think something about being fat, I would then say out loud something that is better. "I did x better today"/"My arms are shaping up", etc.  This may be hard at first, and you may feel insincere, but that is all the more reason to keep doing it. It will become more natural as you keep doing it, and easier to find things. This doesn't just apply to one thing. ANY negative thought you have can, and should, be reframed with a more positive one.

-Count Your Blessings.  I know this sounds like a cliché thing to say, but I mean it in the most literal sense. Last year, I spent several months stating things I was grateful for,  just one (or two) a day. I started in the end of September, and by the end of the year, I had over 50 "blessings" counted, before I lost track of the number. Again, sometimes this is easier than others (I started with "1. I am Alive" if you need some inspiration), but with some thought, I am sure you will find numerous things to be grateful for or that make you happy. And it is really difficult to not start to be more positive when you are spending conscious brain power on exuding gratefulness.

-Have someone hold you accountable/hold someone else accountable.  Such a simple, yet powerful, concept. If you notice a friend/loved one saying something negative, (gently) call them out and ask them to say something positive. Ask a trusted friend/loved one to hold you to the same standards and let them know you are trying to do better.

-Question the negativity. Sometimes the best/fastest way to start to turn the negativity around and embrace a more positive outlook is to question it within yourself. Ask yourself WHY you feel that way, or where it may have come from.  This seems obvious, but many people do not do it, instead just accepting it as "the way things are". But, as the saying goes, the first step to resolving a problem, is to identify it. You may sometimes surprise yourself if you dig a little deeper in yourself and find that what you think about something, or where it came from, couldn't be further from the truth. Once you start to identify things, it helps you decide how you want to proceed and if something needs to be changed, and how. 

If you are battling your own negative self-talk, I hope these ideas help you start to find some positivity. Do you have some ideas that worked for you, or a story about how you accomplished something once you changed your attitude? Please share your thoughts in the comments below!